Ok, I have recently moved into my new crib, (Which is totally fucking awesome, but also in the middle of the suburbs, so it isn't too awesome.)and when the shit hits the fan, I'm going to get all my non-perishable foodstuffs and guns/ammo/tools/fuel/gear and fling it in the back of my insanely dirty, somewhat bullet-resistant '98 Dodge Ram Diesel truck. Then I will drive around, collecting furnace oil (Fuel for my truck) and 3 pre-selected hardcore motherfuckers with their own equipment(Yes, my truck will fit it all.). Traffic jams won't really be a problem, because my truck is more resilient than the illegitimate love child of the Terminator and Mount Everest, and has the ground clearance to crush other inferior vehicles under its massive weight, not to mention I'll have a head start on most people. Me and my squad of ultimate badasses will make our way to my former crib: my mom's house. (Which is in the middle of fucking NOWHERE) Once we get there, my totally balls-out parents and crew of ultimate badasses will chill and play Texas Hold'em and get totally ripshit wasted for like a fortnight or some shit, monitoring the state of the decaying world. Once shit has died down a little bit, I will travel to my hardcore buddy Death from above's place in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, where you can watch your fucking dog run away for three days it's flatter than a training bra. (True story, me and my buddy Adrianne watched his dog run away for three days.) ANYWAYS, it will be totally awesome and hardcore, because I helped him out with his equally hardcore plan, and we are going to turn that goddamn hotel into Helm's deep or whatever that crazy ass fortress from LOTR is called. (See http://yourzombieplan.com/content/bezz-survival-plan )Anyways, we can see the likes of the undead (and probably smell them) for a long ways away, and pick those rotting bastards off without any trouble. In the event someone is infected, it will probably turn out like this.

Infected dude: Whoa dawg, I got bit!

Jim: Let me take a look at that... *BANG* Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't catch that, my fucking Glock was far too loud.

ANYWAYS, if someone tries to raid us, I will reign an unholy fucking firestorm of IED's, severed heads, Molotov Cocktails, and 7.62mm armour piercing rounds upon them, right before I drive the biggest truck they have ever seen up their ass sideways. Hopefully we can survive for a long time, and if we get bored, we will simply go on a bloody murderous rampage across the continent until one of us learns to drive a ferry across the ocean so we can do the same there, and make the battle of Stalingrad look like a fucking tea party.

Constructive criticism, anyone?