50 Fun Things to do at a Department Store
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friend, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
35. Throw giant bouncy balls in the aisles. Bonus points for making people trip!
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
i've done a Few..
ut you've officially become my new favorite person on YZP...
gonna copy this and make it my month Task :D
Hehehe, these things are completely awesome to look at and do!!! here's another one. *mischievous grin* This is for all of you college students on this site!!
45 Things To Do At A Final Exam
1.Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to)
until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh
geez, better get cracking" and do some
gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2.Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming
"Andre, Andre, I've got the secret
documents!!"
3.If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay
form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer
with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use
the integral symbol.
4.Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim
them at the instructor's left nostril.
5.Talk the entire way through the exam. Read
questions aloud, debate your answers with
yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out,
"I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking."
Then start talking about what a jerk the
instructor is.
6.Bring cheerleaders.
7.Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five
minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I
don't understand ANY of this. I've been to
every lecture all semester long! What's the
deal? And who the heck are you? Where's the
regular guy?"
8.Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...).
Play with the volume at max level.
9.On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a
new, interesting way to refuse to answer every
question. For example: I refuse to answer this
question on the grounds that it conflicts with my
religious beliefs. Be creative.
10.Bring pets.
11.Run into the exam room looking about
frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the
instructor, say "They've found me, I have to
leave the country," and run off.
12.Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip
up all the papers into very small pieces, throw
them into the air and yell out "Merry
Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for
another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first
one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13.Do the exam with crayons, paint, or
fluorescent markers.
14.Come into the exam wearing slippers, a
bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing
else.
15.Come down with a BAD case of Turret's
Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as
possible.
16.Do the entire exam in another language. If
you don't know one, make one up! For
math/science exams, try using Roman
numerals.
17.Bring things to throw at the instructor when
s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person
nearest to you.
18.As soon as the instructor hands you the
exam, eat it.
19.Walk into the exam with an entourage.
Claim you are going to be taping your next
video during the exam. Try to get the instructor
to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the
instructor to expect a percentage of the profits
if they are allowed to stay.
20.Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your
things, move to another seat, continue with the
exam.
21.Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes
into it. As you walk out, start commenting on
how easy it was.
22.Do the entire exam as if it was multiple
choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice
exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB.
BABE. etc..).
23.Bring a black marker. Return the exam with
all questions and answers completely blacked
out.
24.Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw
your papers down violently, scream out
"Forget this!" and walk out triumphantly.
25.Arrange a protest before the exam starts
(i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not
everyone's done, they are all leaving after one
hour to go drink)
26.Show up completely drunk. (Completely
drunk means at some point during the exam,
you should start crying for mommy).
27.Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If
the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very
derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on
above my head when I get an idea is hooked
up to a clapper. DUH!"
28.Comment on how sexy the instructor is
looking that day.
29.Come to the exam wearing a black cloak.
After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask
and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the
opera" until they drag you away.
30.Go to an exam for a class you have no clue
about, where you know the class is very small,
and the instructor would recognize you if you
belonged. Claim that you have been to every
lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
31.Upon receiving the exam, look it over,
while laughing loudly, say "you don't really
expect me to waste my time on this drivel?
Days of our Lives is on!!!"
32.Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
33.From the moment the exam begins, hum the
theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's
requests for you to stop. When they finally get
you to leave one way or another, begin
whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River
Kwai.
34.Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35.If the exam is math/science related, make
up the longest proofs you could possibly think
of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most
equations. If it is a written exam, relate
everything to your own life story.
36.Come in wearing a full knight's outfit,
complete with sword and shield.
37.Bring a friend to give you a back massage
the entire way through the exam. Insist this
person is needed, because you have bad
circulation.
38.Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER
CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like
history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise
you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out
too) and staple them to the exam, with the
comment "Please use the attached notes for
references as you see fit."
39.When you walk in, complain about the heat.
Strip.
40.After you get the exam, call the instructor
over, point to any question, ask for the answer.
Try to work it out of him/her.
41.One word: Wrestlemania.
42.Bring balloons, blow them up, start
throwing them around like they do before
concerts start.
43.Try to get people in the room to do the
wave.
44.Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of
the room.
45.Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol.
Put it right next to you. Pray to it often.
Consider a small sacrifice.
LOL! ew my gawd! This was so funny. I almost died with the "bring cheerleaders to the exam".
I got the department store on in an e-mail a few weeks ago. I replied, "You are retarded."
^^ I couldn't get to a computor during the weekend, so sorry it took forever to post a new one...glad everyone likes 'em so far! You can actually find this stuff at the Funny Farm archive...
Anyway, without further ado...may I now present: 10 Signs you are being stalked by MARTHA STEWART!!!!!!!!!!!
10. You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out of a magazine with pinking shears, and
they're all the same size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows.
9. You find a lemon slice in the dog's water bowl.
8. On her TV show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly like your split-level, right
down to the fallen licorice downspout and the half-open graham cracker garage door.
7. You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon, rose petal & saffron demi-glace',
with pecan-crusted hearts of palm and a delicate mint-fennel sauce.
6. The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you even after you leave the bathroom.
5. You discover that every napkin in the entire house has been folded into a swan.
4. No matter "where" you eat, your place setting always includes an oyster fork.
3. Twice this week you've been the victim of a drive-by doilying.
2. You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive stuffing in every orifice.
AND THE NUMBER 1 Sign You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart...
1. You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple.
Ok THAT Made Me Lol Pretty Hard, but i'm not sure everyone On here will knwo who Martha is? :P
She's my mom -.-
100 Fun Ways to Order Pizza
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim, "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST, FREE-SPIRITED, COST-EFFICIENT, UKRAINIAN, and
PUCE.
11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's Master of Puppets CD.
13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
15. Stutter on the letter "p."
16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
23. Change your accent every three seconds.
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they
need paper.
25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say, "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
26. Start your order with "I'd like. . .". A little later, slap yourself and say, "No, I don't."
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say, "Okay, that'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
28. Rent a pizza.
29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
31. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
33. Say, "Are you sure this is Pizza Place? When they say yes, say, "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!"
When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, Pizza Place, start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into
place and scream GOODBYE at the top of your lungs.
35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
36. Imitate the order taker's voice.
37. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
38. When they say, "What would you like?"--say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
39. Play a sitar in the background.
40. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so
you can surprise him/her.
41. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
42. Ask to see a menu.
43. Quote Carl Sandberg.
44. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
45. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
46. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
49. Shout, "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"
50. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say, "Where was I? Who are you?"
51. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
53. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
55. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
56. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.
57. Report a petty theft to the order taker.
58. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."
59. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
60. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
61. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
62. Try to talk while drinking something.
63. Start the conversation with "My Call to Pizza Place, Take 1, and. . . action!"
64. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
65. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
66. Be vague in your order.
67. When they repeat your order, say, "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
68. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
69. After ordering, say, "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
70. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
71. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
72. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to
your pizza.
73. Say, "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
74. Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.
75. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
76. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.
77. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
78. Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.
79. Put them on hold.
80. Teach the order taker a scret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
81. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say, "I said, 'sauce smothered with meat'."
82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say, "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they
have a chance to respond.
83. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just
don't get it, do you?"
84. When you'ge given the price, say, "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
85. Haggle.
86. Order a one-inch pizza.
87. Order term life insurance.
88. When they say, "Will that be all?"--snicker and say, "We'll find out, won't we?"
89. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.
90. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
91. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.
92. Engage in some serious swapping.
93. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say, "Please don't mention that word."
94. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
95. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
96. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
97. Order a steamed pizza.
98. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your time of day wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.
99. Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging.
100. If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."
Oh my god i laughed at every single one of those XD
that is the funniest thing ever
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