A Different Type of UndeadSubmitted by currentlyonfire on Wed, 09/29/2010 - 23:12 |
Alright, guys, I've been thinking about things for a bit, and I've come to the conclusion that moan-and-groan zombies aren't the only kind of undead abomination we might have to worry about. Here is advice on the many oither types of undead hoards you might run into:
- Plague Victims (aka Fast Zombies):
You know whay I'm talking about. Fast zombies are possibly the worst type of zombie, because they can run, and they're smart enough to climb shit. They make up for this, however, with their ability to starve and their ability to be killed by just about anything- just like normal people! While this fact is slightly depressing, it makes your life easier and allows the option of waiting it out, for the virus to wear off or for the zombies to starve to death.
For the most part, all you have to do is be a little more careful with your base. Fast zombies can climb a chain-link fence. Simply search your base for weaknesses (places the zombies can climb in or out of), and apply barbed wire (or a fix of your choice), and don't put yourself in a situation where you'll have to run from them. Other than that, your normal plan should be more than fit enough to survive. Their only real threat is their ability to climb.
- Mutated Zombies (aka Special Infected):
Freaks, like you've seen in left 4 Dead. While they probably won't be Smokers, Spitters, Tanks and Witches, there's always the chance of the initial infection mutating the human body. It could be as simple as increasing bone growth, causing zombies to have jagged bone claws and other pointy bits sticking out of their body. Boils that spread infection through touch might also be a possibility. I'm no geneticist, and even if I were I couldn't give you the possible mutations of a yet-to-be-discovered virus. My only advice is to adapt.
- Voodoo Zombies (aka Really Just Attempted Murder Victims with Brain Damage):
Fuck those guys. They're just as human as you and me, but stupider. There's no fear of infection as long as the Voodoo Priest doesn't knock you out and bury you alive. Simply identify the guy who's making zombies, and put a bullet in him from a safe distance. Then, calmly make sure he didn't have any accomplices, and deliver the zombies to the nearest mental institution.
- Frankensteins (aka Frankenstein's Monsters, I guess):
Look, if you're fighting a hoard of Frankensteins, there's not a lot of advice I can give you. I mean, that one specific monster was afraid of fire, but they can't all share the same phobia. You can go ahead and try scaring them with fire, or just killing them with fire, but I can't guaruntee that'll work.
I'd assume that they can only handle being shot so many times, so running and gunning would probably work. They are known to be slow, after all.
- Vampires (aka Bat-Human Abominations):
No, I'm not talking about the ones from Twilight. I'm talking genuine, turn-to-a-bat-and-suck-all-your-blood-out, honest-to-God Vampires.
Shelter is simple: Just walk into your house, they can't follow you if they aren't invited. Just stay inside at night, and you're free to do whatever the hell you want during the day. Garlic necklaces will keep you safe from being bitten (also: girls), and a stake through the heart will kill them.
If you find yourself being pursued by a vampire, simply cross some running water, because they can't cross running water for some stupid reason. Really, Vampires aren't that scary, there's so many arbitrary rules they have to follow, it's so easy to avoid them.
Also, avoid looking them in the eyes, because they can hypnotize you into taking off the garlic, or inviting them into your home. And then you'll be a vampire, and you'll have to follow all those arbitrary rules.
- Ghosts (aka Guh-Guh-Guh-GHOSTS!)
You have three options: Ignore them, run away or call the Ghostbusters. Just make sure you don't cross the streams.
I guess you could help them find peace and move on, but if there's a whole hoard of them, its unlikely that you'll make much headway. Also, I'd imagine that most ghosts are pretty chill once you get used them. But maybe they're murderous, I don't know.
- Skeletons (aka Bags of Bones):
Fucking skeletons. if you find yourself being chased by a hoard of these, you've probaably got a Necromancer on your hands. Simply take his book from him and reverse the spell to get rid of them.
If you can't figure that out, its not really a problem. Just shoot him in the fucking face, so he'll stop summoning more, and then kill all the skeletons. Nobody takes skeletons seriously, they're so easy to break apart its barely even funny. Sure, they're smarter than zombies, and they've even been known to wield weapons occasionally, but as long as you keep them away from any serious firepower, they're easy pickin's. Even if they pick up swords or some shit, they still won't wield them welll enough to be a real hazard. Melee weapons are perferable for fighting zombies, since you kind of have to break them apart to kill them, and that's hard to do with bullets.
Actually, a skelepocalypse would be pretty sweet.
- Sparklepires (aka those pieces of shit from Twilight):
I'll be honest, I didn't read Twilight, so I don't know if there's a specific way to kill Sparklepires. You'll have to read the book yourself if you want to find out.
I'm so sorry.
EDIT: It appears that some of you guys are taking this kind of seriously. Please don't.
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This is in the grey area, it has components to a plan and what he would do if of different things happened but lack of detail. Just add where you would start off and where and what direction you would go. Then it’s a plan
You're right.
It's a fantastic post, full of good stuff, just not sure if it's a proper plan
The plan is that I will follow my own advice.
interesting, but
Is this reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaally a plan?
Plagues: Probably screwed, no weapons effective against running people
Mutants: Not enough info
Voodoo : Easeh-peaseh
Re-animated collection of the best parts of many people (Frankenstein's Monster): Pretty much just a person- a strong, smart person, but little experienced, so caution and it'd be interesting.
Vampire (Real ones): Don't go up to the Castle!
Ghosts: Move.
Skeletons: There's a reason they invented cricket bats (cricket), but they also work well for bone smashing.
The real problem is when you've got to fight a hoard of plague-riddled mutant voodoo frankenpireghosts who are also skeletons.
I have no idea what a Ghoul is, but if someone would like to tell me, I would gladly put it into the plan.